Each year, the Faulkner County Freecycle group has one day where people are allowed to post "wish" messages to the group - destined for Santa, these are requests for outlandish items, big requests, or miracles that wouldn't normally be allowed as Wanted posts to the group. Someone asked for world peace, someone else wants a fully stocked game room and entertainment center, and someone wants a job for their fiancee. Here was my post:
WISH: Masked Avenger
People of Faulkner County: We live in troubled times. Just last week, some ruffians busted a window in a local shop. And that's just the tip of the iceberg... We're headed down a road to massively organized crime paved by 40-in-a-35-zone speeders, blatant disregard for lawnmowing ordinances, and weak attempts to pour shampoo into local fountains.
Something needs to change. We need someone who's not afraid to walk the city at night and put a stop to people parking in handicapped zones. Someone who will do what the police won't and bust up that group of teenagers hanging out in the Taco Bell parking lot. We need a hero to clean up these streets.
Santa, here's the deal. We need Batman. Yes, the Dark Knight himself. Bring us a hero to fight this city's petty criminals with the power of the Batmobile, and gratuitous explosions. He alone can put us back on the righteous course of justice and law.
Or if he's too busy, Ironman would do.